Yesterday my children requested an independent outing together while I was at an appointment. They made their plans, three stops: the vintage record store, toy store and candy store. We set our meeting place and off they went independent, free and yes, without a cellphone. When we all arrived at our meeting place, the boys thrilled with candy in hand, looked a bit ruffled and were talking, I asked what's up? They explained to me while at the candy store the lady who worked there had asked them why they were not in school. Pretty typical question we receive on a daily basis being homechoolers. They answered her and she then began to grill my eight year on mathematics, asking him how much 215 plus 168 was and made him count out his money by himself and if he couldn't count his change how people would rip him off. We have been in this candy store many times and the woman a very Grandmother type figure, was always friendly helpful and engaging, I was shocked. My first reaction was fury. I settled my rage and the boys and I talked in the pouring rain. Both boys asked me not to go back into the store, "let it be Mom, we are used to that."
'We are used' to judgement and ignorance because we do not live our lives as the majority does. My children do not go to school, they do not wake up to an alarm clock, rush to the school bus, they do not spend six hours at a desk learning things that do not matter to them, they do not worry about the school bully, they do not experience what it is to be popular or the geek or the jock, they do not care what brand of clothes they are wearing. Are these the things our children should be experiencing and learning in life? Is this what normal is? Maybe normal looks different for everyone. Maybe there is no normal.
I explained to the boys that people who do not understand something become fearful and ignorant. When we are ignorant we become thoughtless. This woman was thoughtless. If she had considered just for a moment how my children might be feeling or how their lives might be she never would have said the things she said. We need to look deeper at the people around us. We need more thoughtful and understanding how things might be for the person next to us. My two children and I learned and incredible lesson. Maybe this woman gave us a gift.
The only thing I wanted to say to her was:
"Would you have asked these same questions to a school child or to an adult?"
'We are used' to judgement and ignorance because we do not live our lives as the majority does. My children do not go to school, they do not wake up to an alarm clock, rush to the school bus, they do not spend six hours at a desk learning things that do not matter to them, they do not worry about the school bully, they do not experience what it is to be popular or the geek or the jock, they do not care what brand of clothes they are wearing. Are these the things our children should be experiencing and learning in life? Is this what normal is? Maybe normal looks different for everyone. Maybe there is no normal.
I explained to the boys that people who do not understand something become fearful and ignorant. When we are ignorant we become thoughtless. This woman was thoughtless. If she had considered just for a moment how my children might be feeling or how their lives might be she never would have said the things she said. We need to look deeper at the people around us. We need more thoughtful and understanding how things might be for the person next to us. My two children and I learned and incredible lesson. Maybe this woman gave us a gift.
The only thing I wanted to say to her was:
"Would you have asked these same questions to a school child or to an adult?"
Great post! This infuriates me. And people like that , who are testing our homeschooled kids, are judging us, the parents based on the output our kids give.
ReplyDeleteAmazing that you were able to see a positive lesson in this. I might have grumbled for days from it.
love this post. this type of thing drives me insane, and your final sentence hits the nail on the head. i doubt that woman would have done the same in front of you — she took her intolerance for hs’ing and gave it full vent because the kids were alone. so, unfair on two fronts.
ReplyDeletei don’t feel like we owe anyone an explanation of why our lives are slow, sweet, and full of fun. we certainly don’t owe them our math proficiency. :P